Another Convention, Another Dose of Strength and Self-Worth

I spent most of last week feeling pretty lousy. Between humid nights, stressful days, and a stomach bug that left me unable to finish my meals, I had a hard time sleeping at night. Work kicked my butt in ways I didn’t even notice; I started training a new employee, making my office hours fly by, and I clearly was not drinking enough to stay properly hydrated. Then on Thursday evening, I drove to Cleveland straight from work. I had spent most of the day feeling half-sick, but once I got to my hotel room, I finally started to relax and unwind. I knew it would be a great weekend, because I was attending my third Supernatural convention.

SPN Cleveland was part of The Giving Back Tour, headlined by Misha Collins (instead of Jared Padalecki and Jensen Ackles). A smaller crowd attended, but the convention itself was much more interactive than the standard SPN conventions. There were games with the actors & actresses, fanart displays, fundraising for a local women’s shelter, and a GISHWHES-style challenge in addition to the more typical panels, trivia and costume contests, photo ops, and autographs. For the first time, I was also able to attend Friday Night Karaoke and the Saturday Night Special concert. (This weekend was even more special as we all celebrated the five-year anniversary of Rob Benedict – SPN actor & leader of the band Louden Swain – surviving a stroke.)

Despite the setting, however, I found my frustrations over work still plaguing me some during the weekend. During breaks in the days, I found myself texting with my field crew and in the evenings, discussing office toxicity issues with family when I called home. I love the atmosphere of the SPN conventions, the inclusion of people from all walks of life, the acceptance of everything unique about individuals in the SPNFamily. It’s something I wish I could bottle up and bring home with me. Kim Rhodes and Briana Buckmaster always hold fiery, kickass, unapologetic panels that leave many laughing until they cry and shedding tears over their “mom” advice and stories. Their attitudes are something sorely missing in my workplace from both the women and the men. We are humans, and we are adults. And we deserve to be treated as such.

I’m still looking for another job, a healthier workplace, but now that I’m home again from another SPN convention, I’m hoping that my renewed sense of value and self-worth will help me push harder for positions that I may not have had the courage to apply for a week ago. I allowed myself to show a bit of weakness over the weekend, something that has been foreign to me for many years, but this moment of weakness has given me strength. I’m not going to share the details right now; it’s something I feel safer leaving until after I’ve found another job. But I do hope to share it here eventually.

Peace and strength be with you all!

Hezzie

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