Many people in my life don't understand why I get so discouraged and frustrated over missing self-imposed deadlines. But nearly everything in our lives is structured around dates and deadlines, whether you're talking work, school, appointments, sales, applications, or even taxes. There are deadlines or cutoff dates for everything! And by setting deadlines, I am trying to elevate my writing and creative pursuits from a hobby to something more serious.
I don't know what to write this week. At this point in the holiday season, I become frustrated and irritable as time grows short for me to complete preparations for various events and celebrations. My schedule is restricted by too much to do and not enough time for myself.
Sore but Trying
Today I am sore. Over the past few days, I started a new exercise routine in order to try to regain the muscle I lost in the past year. I don't like being sore. I know some people who love exercise enjoy the pull and protest of muscles that have been pushed to their limits, but for me, I find the sensations restrictive and depressing. But if I want to be able to take on certain hobbies without this type of pain in the future, then I need to retrain my body for those tasks.
I've had trouble finding motivation or inspiration to create much of anything this past week or so. And if you follow me on Twitter, you may have noticed I've been fairly quiet there as well. I've fallen into a nihilistic mood that is often hard for me to shake. Being halfway through February, I am only a handful of weeks away from my busiest time of year, when my work schedule encroaches on my free time, and it becomes increasingly difficult to make progress on any of my personal projects. This is a very disheartening time for me, and I question the worth of working on any major projects as I know I'll end up interrupted during critical stages by a variety of obligations.