Can’t Find the Motivation

It’s been a while since I last posted, partly thanks to the Christmas and New Year’s holidays but also due to the fact I recently hit an emotional slump. Little things in my daily life snowballed, and minor comments and unintentional actions which I would normally have no problem shrugging off built up too fast for me to ignore. I was left feeling as though my voice doesn’t matter and that the people in my life are undermining my personal goals. This perception of the world around me makes it difficult to find motivation to do much of anything, because gaining even a modicum of consideration from friends and family turns into a struggle.

Prior to the holidays hitting, I had New Year’s goals of starting the querying process and working on the outline and first draft of my next novel-length project. However, those goals became sidelined as I tried to find the emotional energy to deal with day-to-day needs. One of the major factors contributing to my current mental state is my father’s own undiagnosed, untreated mental health issues. His wants have a habit of overriding my needs unless I want to put up with a guilt-trip over my “selfish” or “anti-social” attitude.

I don’t want this post to turn into something which sounds like a whiny bitch-fest, so I’m going to cut it short. I’m still hurting right now, and the more I write, the more I feel like I need to shut up and that I’m making a mountain out of a molehill or something. I hate feeling as if my voice doesn’t matter and my needs are not as important as those of the people around me, but it’s not a feeling I can shake off at the moment.

Sorry for the short post and lack of anything motivating.

Hezzie

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